new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
