let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
