get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's never too late to be topless.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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