The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
