Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
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