So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
