Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
