My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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