Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
