I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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