i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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