First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize