dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
