What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
