I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
