If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I need to calm my uterus...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize