I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
