I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
