You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
