I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
birth control should be required to get into college
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
