Christians are straight up FREAKS
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
