your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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