If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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