he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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