you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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