Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
