So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
