apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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