Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
