the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
