i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
