Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
