i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
