I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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