She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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