I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
