she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
