I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
