I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize