Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
