Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
