I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
