This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
