sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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