He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
