i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
