His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
