do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize