Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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