I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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