We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize