R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
