My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
