so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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