I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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