I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
