jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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