Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
