U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize