Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize