do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
