it was like having sex with a tree stump
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
