MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
