You can't motorboat a personality
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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