He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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