You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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