and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize