she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
