i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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