What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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