**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I cannot find my penis.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
