I'm jealous of your bromance
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
