Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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