The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize